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Nia told me I needed to write my story down, both to help myself tounderstand who I now am, and to help other men to discover their own realidentities.As a guide Nia told me I should head my essay, "What are the changes thathave taken place in my life?"I look again at my beautiful glossy burgundy nails.There's something that has changed here.They are still my fingers, I tell myself. But they didn't look like thisbefore, did they? I painted them burgundy before I wore my nailextensions, but because my nail polish kept chipping I started wearingthese extensions, didn't I?But there was something else, wasn't there?Before I painted my nails Burgundy I shaved all my hair off my hands andarms. Because a girl doesn't have hairy hands or arms does she?So why did I have hairy hands and arms?My corset holds my stomach in and helps to show off my breasts, which arenow a38C thanks to the pills Nia gives me.The corset straps? They are tight on my shoulders and I think there was atime when I. ..I have never..." I'll always be here for you Delores, as your friend, or maybe more,but I'll always be here for you."He kissed me on the cheek, went to the door, and with a glancingsmile, he left. I was alone with only my thoughts. My mom, my dad,Mike, Samantha, Janet, all of them swirled around in a whirl. I neededSamantha, but she wasn't home. I wanted someone to hold me, to tell methey loved me, someone to tell me that being a woman was exactly theright thing for me. My parents were out, Samantha made it clear thatwe were just friends, Janet was, well, she was my boss, which leftMike. To find out the truth about yourself can be an excruciatingjourney filled with pain and anger, love and hate, friendships andlovers, and I had most of them. In my jab at finding myself I had comefull circle. I still needed someone to love me more than life. Mike. Iwent to the window, pushed it open to call him back, but he was gone.I took a shower, but it didn't help any. So I sulked while.
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